This person knew I was a sex worker. It says so, right within my Bumble profile: retired media whore, current actual whore. He had even commented about it, using what every woman longs to know from a romantic interest:’Haha, nice 😉 ‘. And yet I watched as his face contorted into an expression of disgust, his upper lip curling as the fact of my profession came crashing down around him such as a tonne of bricks.
“That’s a lot,” he said, and then he rolled to his back and stared at the ceiling. I didn’t hear from him again.
It sometimes surprises people to know that sex workers do a variety of normal people activities, like working other jobs, studying, taking the bins out. We exist in actuality after our shifts end and דירות דיסקרטיות the red light is flicked off; we’ve dinner with this families and shop at K-Mart and wait on hold with your internet service providers for what feels as though hours.
It’s not common that the physical and emotional experiences we have at work could be enough to replace with a possible not enough intimate connection within our lives outside of work; so many of us also date, with varied quantities of success.
A couple of months ago, I ended a connection with a person I have been seeing for almost two years. In private, he was an enormous supporter of me working, but around his colleagues and friends his tune did actually change. He’d introduce me, but hesitate in describing our relationship; when he said, “This really is Kate…” the silence that hung in the space where, “…my girlfriend,” should have now been weighed a tonne.
I don’t believe he personally had a problem with me being fully a sex worker, but I actually do genuinely believe that the likelihood of other folks judging me – and then judging him if you are with me – was enough to produce him want to keep me a secret.
So I’ve recently downloaded some dating apps and put myself back on the proverbial market, but it’s tough. Along with all the current usual questions one ponders before a romantic date (What do I wear? Where shall we go?) I find myself asking such things as, “At what point do we have the talk?”
The talk in which I clarify my job, re-explain my profession in the event my date didn’t read my Bumble bio, forgot what it said, or – worse – thought it was a joke. Here is more information in regards to דירה דיסקרטיות stop by the web-site. Do I tell him when we meet, or before we say goodnight? Or do I throw it out at random within the span of the evening: “Wow, this wine is delicious. By the way, I’m a hooker. Pass the salt?”
The greatest dream scenario is that my date is supportive, and happy that I’ve found a type of work that I like and supports me financially. Unfortunately, it’s only happened once – once! – so these days, I find that a lot of responses fall approximately abject fascination and outright objectification.
Sometimes I end on the receiving end of one thousand rapid-fire questions (“What’s the weirdest thing you’ve ever done at the job? Have you ever had a celebrity client? Are the people all old and ugly? They’re not, like, normal guys like me, are they?”) which is preferable to horrified silence, but leaves me feeling like I’ve just been interviewed for an hour.
Other times, my date can barely contain their disgust, quizzing me over and over again about how exactly frequently I get my sexual health checks done and if I’m sure I’m not really a carrier of some mutant strain of gonorrhoea.
“That’s all perfectly and good,” one man said, over coffee, “But obviously if you went out with me, you’d have to get a real job. And you couldn’t tell anyone we know that you used to work.” You need to probably Google me before you get too attached to that particular idea, I wanted to sneer.
Of course, even the crudest type of questioning is a better case scenario compared to very real threat of violence that numerous sex workers face when speaking about their job. I’ve friends who’ve been followed home and stalked by men who couldn’t understand just why their date with a sex worker didn’t end with a romp, and others who’ve had partners appear at their work in a spontaneous fit of jealousy, viciously demanding they empty their locker and return home with them immediately.
And even that’s better than the possibility of physical violence from a romantic partner. I once went on a date with a person who invited me as much as his bedroom, held me down as he initiated sex with no condom, and then read among my own, personal articles, 5escortgirls about sex work, out loud if you ask me as I lay silently next to him.
Dating isn’t easy for דירה דיסקרטיות anyone. Even the act of getting to distil your entire person in to a quick and snappy paragraph fit for a dating app will do to make anyone desire to throw up their hands and surrender to a life of solitude.
Still, I believe in love, and I understand from past experiences that relationships – when they’re good – are worth every struggle.
On the times when it’s all too much, I find myself thankful for the easy, stress-free nature of transactional sex. One hour on the clock and a peck on the cheek to say a fond goodbye until the next time: only if finding love was as simple.